Nicotine. By far, the worst habit I ever picked up in my life. And by far, the best thing I have ever chosen to remove from my life. To say it limited some of the outcomes in my life is an understatement. Eventually, I reached a point where I became sick of my own excuses. I also had to become more willing to discuss the truth of how I was feeling with others, to be able to make this drastic lifestyle change.
Over the next several weeks, I will be sharing my journey of quitting the use of nicotine. Or, as I like to call it, choosing to breathe in oxygen instead of continuing to poison myself. This will be shared through a series of short reflections I posted on the community section of a mobile app between December 16th 2025-March 28th 2026, where I shared with others what each day was like for me as I let go of a 12 year daily habit. I posted every single day for a little over three months to hold myself accountable. The months that have followed since then have been truly astounding for me.
I will be sharing those reflections in a series of four articles on this blog (three more to follow). At the end of those reflections, I hope to summarize what was learned and how my life has changed. Because a lot can change in a surprisingly short amount of time. My hope is that for you, the reader, who may have landed on this particular article because of a similar struggle, that my day by day “diary” entries help shed some light on what we sometimes have a tendency to psych ourselves up about. So, here it goes…. My posts from December 2025 to begin.
30 Hours Free
Though I’d share an update, as I have read others’ posts over the last year, and it has inspired me. Giving this another try, after making it a month vape free around June of this year, and making the mistake of “just one puff”, which turned into another six months of vaping. In the last 30 hours, I am struggling to sleep, and my throat is extremely irritated; the mood part of withdrawal hasn’t been too bad so far. Would love to find a quit buddy to keep each other motivated.
Over 2 Days
During the second day, I found myself more irritable around people. Vaping was often a time I could separate myself from others, e.g. remove myself from a conversation I was annoyed by or get time by myself. The cravings came in very fleeting moments though.
Past 3 Days
On the third day, I wanted to try to switch up my morning routine. Rather than grabbing my vape within the first five minutes and making a coffee, I had a Greek yogurt and drank an herbal tea. A little later, I made a more substantial breakfast, which included egg and fruit. I read somewhere that getting protein first thing in the morning can help regulate dopamine, which is thrown off with nicotine use. Prioritizing a balanced hearty breakfast and limiting caffeine use will be two things I continue with; it was a great way to start my morning.
4 and a Half Days
The throat/nose irritation is still there a bit; I can literally feel my body ridding itself of toxins. Had quit a few vivid dreams last night as well. I am finding that I am using my time more constructively. For example, instead of vaping during my work breaks, I have been bringing a little snack, and when I’m bored, I have been going for walks.
5+ Days
Just over 5 days and my dream last night was that I vaped again and everyone in my life was so unsurprised and just expected it of me. One thing that is motivating me right now, is wanting to rebuild my confidence. Addiction destroyed my self-esteem. It’s been 12 years of nicotine use (started with cigarettes) and I’m realizing how it emotionally stunted me as well. Rather than learning to deal with my emotions, I have been subtly numbing them for years.
Coming Up on 1 Week
Just a few hours away from one week vape free. Yesterday I ended up crying a little bit and feeling overwhelmed, but I was able to work through those feelings. I am grateful for the time and money I am saving by not vaping. I also hope that by staying free of nicotine, I can start to have a more positive outlook in life, when I don’t feel trapped by addiction.
Been a Week
Honestly, the cravings today are more intense than they have been during the entire first week. It’s like reaching a milestone somehow triggers me more, and especially with the holidays coming up and wondering how I’m going to deal with my family and my partner’s family, when sometimes I just really want a “vape break” from being around people for extended periods of time.
Feeling Outcast
One thing that has motivated me to stay with my quit was feeling on the edges of society. I remember in my early 20’s, it felt like everyone around me used nicotine. But that’s because I was surrounding myself with people who enabled my behaviour. The older I got, the more people started quitting and I was left with my poor habit and starting to feel weird about it. The more I surround myself with people who don’t use nicotine, the more I can see what they see, and it helped change my perspective. I had been living in denial for years as to how I was treating my mind, body, and wallet.
Fear of Change
Perhaps one of the biggest things holding me back for more than a decade, was the fear of change or the constant “what ifs”. Whenever there was something I was worried about or didn’t know how to work through; that feeling of uncertainty was what I used as an excuse to vape. Stepping into unfamiliar territory is uncomfortable and shedding old identities just as hard to do. But I’d rather find out who I can be and what kind of life I can lead without nicotine than stay in the same rut and living with constant existential dread.
Doing the Math
One of the things that woke me up to just how bad my problem was, was calculating how much money had been spent on this drug (yes, nicotine is a drug) since age **. The number made me want to throw up. It could’ve been spent on anther degree, a brand-new car, travel, towards a down payment on a house…The list goes on with things that would have added value to my life. I don’t want my money going towards people who profit off other people’s self-destruction.
Feedback from Others
Enjoyed the last couple days with family. Honestly, I was waiting for someone to comment on me not vaping, but it wasn’t until the end of the evening last night that my boyfriend said anything. He was grateful that I wasn’t going to go isolate in my car as soon as we got back from being out for dinner to vape. And said he didn’t wat to say anything because often when people say something, it seems I go do the opposite. It’s not until the desire to stop a behaviour comes from me, that I make any progress. Also, learning to be my own cheerleader.
Dopamine and Reward
Considering I used nicotine as a constant dopamine booster, I was basically giving my brain an artificial reward every hour or so for doing nothing. Subtly teaching it, that every small activity came with a “treat” afterwards. Finding other ways to give my brain that boost, and finding healthier “rewards”, is taking some creativity. Curious what kind of ways any of you break up what can feel like monotony or boredom?
Trusting Myself
Every time I would go for my vape, it was like breaking any sort of trust I had with myself. Constantly doing something, then saying how much I didn’t want to be doing it and repeating the cycle over and over meant I couldn’t trust myself. Learning how to keep commitments to myself and treat myself with respect through this process.
2 Weeks
Grateful for two weeks nicotine/vape free. Looking forward to seeing how my mood and stress response stabilizes as time goes on. Already, it has significantly improved. It’s wild how nicotine affects every part of our body (digestion, metabolism, hormones, neurotransmitters, blood pressure, circulation, and breathing just to name a few).
Quit Attempts
I read somewhere that it takes at least 5-10 serious quit attempts for it to stick for smokers/vapers on average. This is my sixth try that has lasted longer than a week. I’m a little nervous because three of those times lasted until around the month mark. I also learned that it is after around three months that brain chemistry really starts stabilizing. The longest attempt I had was about six months.
Ritual/Habit and Taking a Pause
When I first started using nicotine, it became this thing I would look forward to when I was finished school; alone and reflecting on my day. Over the years, what started off as only during certain moments/times of day, quickly escalated to being associated with almost everything. This was made even easier with vapes because of their convenience. Finding new solo “rituals”/routines and it’s fun; new ways to give myself that activity/social break I seem to crave. That moment of pause.
3 More Article to Follow: Covering January, February, March 2026 posts. AKA the winter, I unshackled myself.
The Sunflower and The Cashier 
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