Writing My Own Obituary

A few months ago, I read about a suggested exercise, which was to write your own obituary. The premise – write what you want said about you at the end and then forget about the steps it takes to get there. Just use that as your road map. Not to sound morose, but it is helpful to think about how I would like my memory to live on. So, when I am acting out of alignment, it is an easier fix, rather than continuing in the wrong direction for longer than is necessary.

Absolutely none of it, as I am sure others have already come to realize, as well, had to do with the size of my home or what my job title was. I will always remember the Maya Angelou quote about how people remember how we made them feel, over anything else. I know that is certainly true for me. The times my heart has been ripped out of my body, are deeply ingrained into my psyche, just like the moments people showed up with a kindness I was not expecting.

I also love quotes related to not being a woman who will be remembered for keeping her mouth shut. I was reading an essay where I was trying to describe my personality at the age of 12. One of the things I had said, was that I would have to be careful with what I say and not be dramatic. Well, sounds like the absolute perfect combination of qualities to write, in my opinion. Seeing, as half of my verbal words come out as angry or blunt sounding to people, or I am quickly dismissed, I figure written word will help communicate my endless stream of thoughts in a way that is more coherent and easier to digest for other people.

What I do know, is that when I am on my death bed reflecting on my life, I do not want to go “yeah, I cared too much about what others thought, so I chose not to write.” That is terrifying to me. Because I believe a special kind of Hell, is any place on this planet where I cannot speak my mind.