The Sunflower and The Cashier

                  A pattern I developed in my 20’s that started to prove unsustainable as I approached the end of the decade, was taking the path of least resistance. I chose what was easiest to me, which included turning down promotion opportunities three times, quitting when things got tough, isolating myself so I wouldn’t get hurt by others, associating with people I felt did not challenge me or get me to step outside my comfort zone, and not letting others fully see me.

                  I chose not to show up for the people in my life and decided that I could curl up at home all the time and never have others question me, which turned its ugly head at the age of 27, when the lack of a social support system nearly drove me insane. If a job was too difficult to even be considered for an interview, eg extra training, a cover letter etc, I often didn’t bother at all and chose jobs that kept me below the poverty line where I knew that I would be able to succeed.

                  When I felt my fragile ego threatened, I turned to unhelpful ways of coping, including shutting down and leaving a conversation or situation where I felt that I would not be able to handle how someone’s comments made me feel or speak up for myself.

                  Needless to say, the path of least resistance will likely get me nowhere, because eventually it ends up causing far more resistance, when I don’t take responsibility and keep outsourcing my decision making.