The Sunflower and The Cashier

                  In my early to mid 20’s, everywhere I went, I had headphones in. Whether at the library studying, in my room, grocery shopping, at the mall, on the bus, you name it. I was either listening to music or podcasts to try and keep my brain always occupied. What I have learned from a year barely listening to music, was just how much I was consuming others’ creations. I got to thinking, if all these people can be producing music at this scale, why can’t I get a few words on paper and express myself creatively as well.

                  As I listen back to some of the music I was listening to, I realize that a lot of the lyrics were about self-destructive things. What I have come to learn, is that everything we consume and feed our mind, eventually influences how we perceive and react to the world and situations around us. That moody indie girl vibe I was going for, seemed silly to me suddenly.

                  I would share every song I liked on my Instagram account, thinking I had somehow found gold that others would be interested in listening to or that it was like sharing a piece of myself. What I learned was that it more came off like a teenager on MySpace trying to get attention about the breakup she just went through.

                  What I realized was also how many small interactions I was shutting out in my world. The stranger sitting next to me may have wanted to say something, but I had been too busy playing those tunes at full volume, feeling as though I was in some movie and I was the main character. I would repeat the same song repeatedly just to get that hit of dopamine.